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Actual Cannibal Rescue Mission
Some very sinister types have kidnapped your target, and you'll need to take some big risks to save her. Cast * Sam Yao * Janine De Luca * Cassidy * Posey * Charlotte * Jordan Plot Unpleasant Surprises Sam spots a large oak tree with overhanging branches that you can use to stealthily enter the cannibal compound. No Smoke Without Cannibals Sam is surprised that cannibals eat vegetables as Posey lists the multiple food sources flourishing in the disturbingly civilised gardens. That's Not A Thing, Right? Charlotte and Jordan instruct their patrols accordingly and the girls prepare their fabulous ballistics. Grab And Run You hear a struggle from inside; Charlotte reports that she's spotted Cassidy being threatened with some metal implements. Don't Just Stand There! Cassidy is shocked to see her little sister come to the rescue, albeit a little confused when Posey refers to her captors as cannibals. Red Robin Situation You arrive at a cave full of weapons; Jordan's and Charlotte's suspicions rise and Cassidy tries to justify her theft. Vegan Roast? Cassidy urges the guides to get a move on, but the hippies are waiting for her at the exit and trap her in a net - they want her to stay and be their yoga teacher. Transcript SAM YAO: Runner Five, while they’re talking, can you just make a wide circle of the compound so I can take a look through your headcam? I think I have an idea. Now, you’re breaking into their conversation… CHARLIE TODHUNTER: - all due respect, ma'am, but Guides don’t leave people behind, wise or not. JANINE DE LUCA: Their fence may be woefully inadequate, but you can’t take a compound of that size by force! It must be more than fifty acres! Let me get in touch with the Major. And I think New Canton have a squad in operation in the area. We may be able to send you proper reinforcements. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Say you get the go-ahead. How long would it take to put together a squad? It’s about four hours to nightfall. Will you be ready to go before then? JANINE DE LUCA: If you wait overnight, we can form a proper plan, and - CHARLIE TODHUNTER: And we come back the next day to find out they’ve made Posey’s sister into a nice curry? JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Todhunter, I am not the enemy. SAM YAO: I’ve got an idea. JANINE DE LUCA: Mister Yao, may I remind you that you are technically still on a mandatory rest break? SAM YAO: Yeah, yeah, I am resting. This is rest. It’s my hobby, okay? My hobby is spending time with Girl Guides, and thinking up things for them to do. Wait, no, that doesn’t sound right. I mean, what I mean is, Charlie? Runner Five’s found a big oak tree overlooking the south side of the compound. Some branches extend right over the fence, and that area looks quiet. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: If we’re careful, we should be able to get in undetected. Thank you for this. We won’t forget it. SAM YAO: Aw, no, it’s nothing. Just go and find her, okay? And Five, do a full circuit before you head back. We don’t want any unpleasant surprises. rustles CHARLIE TODHUNTER: All present and accounted for? JORDAN SMITH: Ready to move out. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Alright, girls, remember what Jordan and I taught you about stealth. We’ve got to move quickly and quietly. This place is enormous. Come on, hop to! JORDAN SMITH: No talking, no giggling, no shoving each other, and if any of you so much as let your packs touch the ground, I’m putting you on latrine digging duty for a week! CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Runner Five, you’re with me. Posey and I will take the lead. Jordan, you bring up the rear. We’re in cover up to the end of this vegetable garden. SAM YAO: So, cannibals eat vegetables, too? That… that just makes it creepier somehow, doesn’t it? POSEY CLARK: It’s very nice. There are broad beans, and runner beans, and green beans, and – look, asparagus! That’s very hard to grow. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: We’re about to break cover, now. Heading for the other side of this field. Stay together, move quickly! POSEY CLARK: Don’t step on the peas! JORDAN SMITH: Keep moving, patrollers! SAM YAO: You know, for a dangerous cannibal-infested hideout, this place seems pretty nice. Guess that’s alway the way, though, isn’t it? Perfect society hiding a deep dark secret. JORDAN SMITH: Like the Matrix. SAM YAO: Exactly, exactly like the – wait, are you old enough to have seen that? Isn’t it pretty violent? JORDAN SMITH: I’m fifteen, and I once set a zombie on fire with a bottle of eau de toilette and a strike anywhere match. SAM YAO: Mm, nevermind. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Shh, quiet! See that large round building between the yurts? Looks like that might be important. Five, I’m sending you ahead to scout to the east. We’ll take the west. JANINE DE LUCA: It is important, that building. SAM YAO: How do you know? JANINE DE LUCA: Only building in the place with smoke coming from the chimney. If they’re cooking something, they’ll do it there. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Good work, Five! Quiet and fast. Now we know the lie of the land. Jordan, you and your patrollers go to the front entrance. Get the gate open, and disarm any guards. We’ll be leaving at a run, and we need a clear exit. JORDAN SMITH: Can do, boss. Pussycats, come with me. Jemma, keep one of our – laughs “exploding support devices” at the ready, just in case. Everyone else, I want guns out, but the safeties kept on. Got it? CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Double time, Owl Patrol! Once we’re in position, we’re going to need a distraction. What’s our ammunition situation? POSEY CLARK: We still have some fortune cookie smoke bombs, would those work? SAM YAO: Uh, wait, I think there’s some static on the line. It sounded like she just said - CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Perfect! Give me three. SAM YAO: When you say “fortune cookie bomb”, you mean it’s shaped like one, right? Not actually - I mean, no one carries around weaponized biscuits. That’s not a thing! Right? CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Five, you’re with me. Quickly, take two of these! We’re going to smoke them out! HOPE: Keep still! CASSIDY CLARK: You’re all crazy! Don’t come near me with those things, I’m warning you! HOPE: Come on, now, struggling does you no good. Ray, hold her tighter. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Just caught a glimpse inside. They’ve got something up to her head, some sort of metal thing. RAY: You ready, Hope? HOPE: Yes. Let’s get started. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Runner Five, head left. God knows what they’re doing, but we’ve got to get Cassidy out of there. Patrollers, basic grab and run. Five, now! shatters, people cough Go, go, go! shatters, people cough CASSIDY CLARK: Get off me! POSEY CLARK: Cassidy, it’s me! It’s Posey! You have to come with us! HOPE: What’s going on? Who’s there? RAY: They’ve got Clark! CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Everyone, out the back. Now, run! JORDAN SMITH: Over here! The gate’s open! CASSIDY CLARK: Posey! What are you doing here? POSEY CLARK: Rescuing you. It’s so nice to see you again! CHARLIE TODHUNTER: You two, fill each other in later. SAM YAO: You’re out! We’ve got you back on our screens. Aw, man, I can’t believe that worked! CASSIDY CLARK: We have to get away from them. I know somewhere we can go. Follow me. POSEY CLARK: Cassidy, were you really scared when the cannibals had you? CASSIDY CLARK: The – oh, you mean those guys back there? I wouldn’t worry about that! You, though. I can’t believe you’re still – how’d you get up here? What happened to Dad? And your mum? JORDAN SMITH: Po’s been with us since the start of things. We’re her Girl Guide troop. POSEY CLARK: You remember Jordan and Charlie and the rest of the Guides, don’t you? You met them when you were home at Christmas. You’re really going to like them, they’re amazing at killing zombies. And Jordan knows all the campfire songs you can’t sing when adults are around! CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Posey. POSEY CLARK: Now that you’re rescued, you can come with us! We’ve got extra sleeping bags, and we can teach you how to shoot! CASSIDY CLARK: This way. JORDAN SMITH: That way? It’s solid cliff or open country. They’ll see us from miles away! CASSIDY CLARK: Oh, no, they won’t. See over here? CHARLIE TODHUNTER: What is that? A sort of sideways gap in the rocks? CASSIDY CLARK: Entrance to the caves. Me and my mates used to come here when we were kids to smoke and stuff. There’s another way out on the other side. Those guys chasing us, they won’t find the entrance, or if they do, we can outpace them, as long as we keep moving. Well, don’t just stand there! Get in already! dripping CASSIDY CLARK: Down this way, faster! If we take the tunnel to the right, and then branch off at the next left, that should get me where I need to go. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Mm, where do you need to go? CASSIDY: Got some supplies down here I need to pick up. JORDAN SMITH: So why were those guys holding you prisoner back there? Sounds like they weren’t cannibals. CASSIDY: Just a little misunderstanding. JORDAN SMITH: What kind of a - CASSIDY: In through here, follow me. Point your torches over that way. Ah, there they are. JANINE DE LUCA: Well, that’s certainly an interesting development. SAM YAO: Holy crap. That’s a lot of guns. JORDAN SMITH: These are all yours? CASSIDY: They are now. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: That’s why they were holding you prisoner, isn’t it? Those people back at the compound – did you leave them anything to defend themselves with? CASSIDY: They’ve still got the fence. That’s good enough, isn’t it? How many guns do you think each of these kids can carry? Three, four? POSEY CLARK: Cassidy, I don’t understand. Why would you steal guns from people? CASSIDY: You know what enough guns will get you these days – fresh food, hot showers. And people don’t say no to the guy with the ammo. You’ll understand when you’re older. POSEY CLARK: But when we rescued you, they were hurting you, weren’t they? CASSIDY: Them? A bunch of hippies, like Dad and your mum? They were trying to shift my vibrations with a couple of sacred tuning forks, or some claptrap. Thought if they could get all my chakras humming, we’d all join hands and be friends! Now come on, let’s go. SAM YAO: Tuning forks? That might be weirder than cannibalism. CASSIDY: They didn’t even notice most of their weapons were gone for days. Days! People like that don’t deserve your pity. Not anymore. Now, are we going or what? CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Patrollers, grab the weapons and move out. POSEY CLARK: But we - CHARLIE TODHUNTER: Posey, we have a Red Robin situation, here. Do you understand? POSEY CLARK: Yes, ma'am. Runner Five, can you come with me back outside? I… I feel faint. Then you could come back and help move the… the guns. whispers Radio people, are you still there? JANINE DE LUCA: What is it, Miss Clark? POSEY CLARK: Can you send a message to those other people? The ones - the people who my sister stole from. SAM YAO: I can try. If they’re communicating on an unencrypted frequency, I should be able to hail them. But if I can, are you sure you want me to? I mean, it’s your sister, after all. POSEY CLARK: I’m… I’m sure. dripping CASSIDY: Move it. Back to this tunnel, come on! Can’t they go any faster? CHARLIE TODHUNTER: They’re tired. JORDAN SMITH: Yeah, you may not remember this, but they did just run a long way rescuing you. CASSIDY: Yeah, yeah. Just tell them to keep moving. We’re nearly back to the entrance. I’ll go up first, and you can hand the guns up to me. It’ll make it easier for you to climb. JORDAN SMITH: Oh yeah, because that seems safe. Here we go, have all this live ammo while we’re stuck down a hole with nowhere to go. CASSIDY: Here’s the entrance, now. Everyone else, stay back. I’m going up. HOPE: Hey, mate. Miss us? CASSIDY: What the - ? RAY: Everyone, throw the net! CASSIDY: Hey, what? POSEY CLARK: Runner Five, over here. Get out of the way! struggles HOPE: Get her down. Ooh, good idea, Jenny. Everyone sit on her. She won’t be able to move, that way. RAY: Hey, you lot down there - you can come on up, now! With our guns. POSEY CLARK: You promised not to hurt her, though. If we give you them back, you have to promise. RAY: Hurt her? Why would we - HOPE: We were thinking we’d try guided meditation and a juice cleanse. Vibrational realignment might have been a bit extreme. We’re still hoping Cassidy might agree to live with us. SAM YAO: Extremely weird. HOPE: Thieving aside, she’s the best hot yoga teacher in a hundred miles! Possibly in the world, now. JORDAN SMITH: I suppose if you want to take care of her – but Cassidy, if we have to come looking for you again, for Posey’s sake, let’s just say you’re going to wish we’d left you with the cannibals. JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Clark, if you no longer have need of our help, I’d like Runner Five to return to Abel. There’s a pack of zoms moving in your general direction we would prefer to avoid. CHARLIE TODHUNTER: We’ve got it from here. And thank you. We’ll make sure that message of yours makes it into the right hands. HOPE: Why don’t the rest of you come back with us for dinner? We’re having a vegan roast! JORDAN SMITH: Seriously? Run while you can.Category:Side Mission Category:Season Two